A Graceful Comedy
by John Solart
Summary: One year in Hogwarts Grace Lupin, daughter of Remus Lupin and Bellatrix Black, better known to some as Rapebaby, becomes the Head Girl. She has impeccable credentials, two years of Slytherin prefect duties behind her and the implicit trust of Albus Dumbledore. Less known is her 6 years worth of experience on pranking Hogwarts from the shadows of perfection. Sequel to A Black Comedy
1. Chapter 1

**A Graceful Comedy**

Hello and welcome to my first ever fanfiction. A Graceful Comedy is a sequel to the brilliant A Black Comedy by nonjon, set some 17 years after the events of the original. I give no promises of updating according to schedule nor necessarily of finishing the story any time soon. The story will be 10 chapters long and all chapters for the story are basically planned at this point. Writing them out is a whole other thing.

Usual disclaimers apply, I own nothing and I owe it all to J. K. Rowling and secondarily to nonjon for giving me fuel for my own creative fire. I hope to at least not put their names in shame with the quality of my writing.

* * *

 **Chapter 1: The Second Sorting Prank**

Walking up to the Prefect's car Grace Lupin felt like on a pilgrimage with a bag full of stolen relics. She had gotten the letter early summer and wasn't the least bit surprised to learn she had been chosen Head Girl. After all, she had six years of impeccable grades, two years of experience as Slytherin Prefect and the implicit trust of Albus Dumbledore. Not to mention being a member of the House of Black and close to House of Slytherin.

What next to no one outside her closest friends knew, though, was that she also had six years worth of stealthy pranking experience. Some of the greatest pranks of the era were her handiwork and no one knew nor suspected what with her carefully wrought skill of deflecting the blame and forging false tracks.

Thus opening the door to the Prefect's car she felt both adulation and something that resembled a pang of guilt. Good thing her mother had drilled it into her that such feelings were for those weak of heart and could be dealt away with specific curses or dark rituals.

Sloughing off feelings that were better left to the younger students Grace looked at her underlings scurrying about inside the car. Three prefects from every house, one dedicated to taking care of the international students in their house. A smile hovered on her lips when her musings of power abuse were interrupted by the door.

A dark haired young man stepped inside the car, his respectable Head Boy badge badly in contrast with his Gryffindor colours, Grace thought as she took in his visage.

"John, nice to see you again." Grace offered to her colleague while trying to remember her mother's best curses. _Why did it have to be the Solart boy, why not Professor Binns, he'd be much easier to deal with!_

"Grace Lupin, I'd rather you call me by my full name." the boy replied in his trademark tone which left no questions about him being fully serious while still sounding absolutely ridiculous to everyone around him.

"If only I could remember the number..." Grace replied in earnest while a muscle twitched on her face.

"The eleventh." John replied, causing Grace to sigh and profess: "Well, John Solart the Eleventh, I hope to have a good year with you." Sincerity oozed out of her every orifice as if she was a punctured balloon. Thank Merlin for her mother.

After nodding to the boy she quickly made her way towards the end of the car where familiar faces had gathered. Her year younger second cousin Emma Black had succeeded her as Slytherin Prefect and was conversing with their childhood friend Helen Granger, now a sixth year Ravenclaw Prefect.

On Emma's other side sat Helen's friend and Ravenclaw's International Student Prefect, Chizuru Hashimoto, likewise a sixth year. The girl had been part of the first year of international students in Hogwarts and had quickly made friends with the three.

Grace made a beeline and plopped down next to Helen, interrupting her and Emma's conversation in turn and exclaimed: "Hey What! Hey Gaybaby! Good to see your grades didn't drop too low to get you booted out of the Prefects last year."

"Oh god, do you have to keep up with the nicknames, Rapebaby. And don't think for a moment that'd happen, even with your attempt to switch my exam papers with that parchment of troll writing. Where'd you even get it?" Helen replied in a normal voice. In the prefect's quarters, as long as no one was loudly giving orders, discussions were kept private by some pretty cool magic.

"Well, I had a bit of a trip with Uncle Harry during winter break and figured I might need it later." Grace quipped with a leery grin, knowing how Helen would react.

"What! And why wasn't I invited on this trip?"

Emma, who had turned to talk to Chizuru, whipped her head and asked: "What? Did you need something?"

Helen smacked herself on the forehead in exasperation: "No, What, I was just saying 'What' and you should really stop responding to that nickname, it's so confusing."

Grace just laughed: "Oh the trip was just a little something to celebrate the Sorting Prank last year, bit late but still. No reason to invite a goddaughter who can barely prank her father. I mean godfather." she quickly added as Helen's face went thunderous and her red hair frizzled to something resembling a lion's mane. "Better that than your mum!" the Ravenclaw replied, setting off yet another inter family fight.

With Emma and Chizuru refereeing it was over quickly and with little hustle. Some prefects were looking at their new Head Girl a little oddly and John Solart the 11th certainly did not look approving.

As a way to dissolve pressure, Grace leaned over to Chizuru while stroking her black hair back into order: "So how was your summer back with your family, Chii?"

"Way too hot for my liking. Japanese summer is a pain. So, Head Girl, what's your plan to out-do last year's Sorting Prank? You've got to have something planned." The Japanese girl gave a predatory grin as if prior knowledge of a prank was the juiciest piece of information she could imagine.

"Oh, nothing too extravagant. I wish I knew Confunding the firsties worked so well, I would've Confunded them all this year instead of just Mark Weasley last year... But that was a necessary trial. Too bad Dumbledore spelled the hat to remove undue influences after that." Grace let her head drop in shame.

"Yeah, but it definitely was worth it to see everyone's faces when a Weasley was sorted to Slytherin and cried tears of joy for it." Helen comforted only to flush a bright red of anger when Emma responded by pointing out that she had been less than happy about her cousin on her father's side being sorted to Slytherin.

Chizuru saved the situation by continuing "So what are you going to do this year? You have got to do something even greater or we'll be sorely disappointed." while Helen angrily barked that Harry wouldn't even think of her again if she couldn't out-do her previous prank.

"Oh save your jealousy, Gaybaby. I did some brainstorming with Emma and lets say that although the students may be safe from Confunding, not everyone else is..." Grace trailed off with a grin. Noticing the time she then got up, calling to the whole car: "Time for first rounds, Ravenclaw and Gryffindor start from the rear. Remember to be on your best behaviour, we don't want any first years to be scared of you."

A mumble of 'Yes Head Girl' accompanied Grace as she walked to the door to have a short chat with John Solart the 11th, beaming inside with the power she wielded.

* * *

A few hours later they were walking up to the castle in soft rain. They were to be inside and prepare for the Sorting before the other students arrived.

"It's ridiculous that I have to go to London just to ride the Express when I live in the Auxiliary..." Helen grumbled to no one in particular. Emma found it prudent to explain in a condescending tone: "It is because you're a prefect and expected to be there for the younger students."

"Agh, I know that but... Just forget it."

Chizuru looked at Grace and asked: "So when are you going to do it?" prompting the older girl to look back with a rather strict gaze and proudly proclaim: "Who says I haven't already done it many times?"

The exchange student blanched a little but quickly caught the unsaid 'shut up' hidden in the deflection. Besides it was a well known fact that the Prefect's lounge sofas were very comfortable.

Grace just winked at her. When they got to the castle Grace and John Solart 11th made their way to the Great Hall while the prefects were turned over to their Heads of House to be bossed around.

The Great Hall was empty, the ceiling showing the gloomy weather and but a few candles lit up. Going around the Hall in opposite order the two of them lit candles, arranged the tables after the summer and finally levitated a small chair in front of the Headmaster's throne.

"Hey John, is the chair correct here?" Grace called out to the stoic young man.

"Oh god, no. It's way off centre! Here, I'll set it. Everto the dust or something."

Grace huffed a little but did just that seeing as there was very little left to do and plenty of time before even the staff would enter the hall. She went around steadily vanishing specks of dust from corners, nooks and the floating candles as John concentrated on making sure the chair for the Sorting Hat was just perfect.

"Okay, I think that's correct." the man exhaled and Grace went to examine.

"Yeah, that looks really good. Here, I'll dust it." She pointed her wand at the chair but then thought better of it and simply wiped it clean of dust with the sleeve of her robe. "Much better."

"Nothing to do but wait now. Fancy a game of exploding snap, John?"

"No thank you, and I'd much prefer if you called me John Solart the 11th." he responded, devoid of mirth as always.

"Oh booger, John, we're comrades, allies, even friends! It's way too much to call you by your full name every time. Here, you can just call me Rapebaby." Grace offered, hoping to get him to show some emotion, preferably something negative.

"No thank you, Grace Lupin, I believe that particularly because of our relationship as Head Boy and Head Girl we ought to show proper conduct to one another, including full names or titles."

" _God I hate this guy. Is he so freaking family-centred as to require his full name every time? Who on earth is so crazy about family!"_ Grace pondered sourly, waiting for time to pass.

* * *

First years were standing in a row at the entrance of the Great Hall. Most of them were obviously scared witless. On either side of the Hall the Head Boy and Girl stood watch over the flock of students while at the end of the Hall the Professors loomed over them. In the midst stood a simple stool upon which a hat spoke.

This years song had been a little more than a ridiculous mumbo-jumbo of words mashed together but it was definitely the hat's handiwork and still more refined and understandable than Headmaster Dumbledore. Professor MacGonagall stepped forwards to stand level with the hat. In hand she held a parchment scroll, a list of names to be called out to be sorted. It had definitely grown longer over the years as Hogwarts started taking foreign students and the fame spread. Not to mention the still relatively new Dumbledore Graduate School of Magical Research, most of the time called just Dogsmore boosting the renown of the school.

As MacGonagall unfurled the scroll there were three pairs of eyes watching every single movement in the Hall. Dumbledore, John Solart the 11th and Grace "Rapebaby" Lupin scanned slowly over the hall to see if any sort of prank would occur.

"Aplom, Valeri!" The little boy started forwards with all eyes on him except the three. To the left, above the Ravenclaw table a single candle swayed a little more to the right than was usual and something seemed to drop off of it. John's eyes darted first towards Dumbledore, who nodded, and then to Grace. She turned to face Dumbledore and await any commands but the old man simply took out a large, spotty handkerchief decades old and gave a sneeze. The candle seemed to dim out of existence and was quickly replaced by a new one while the students in Ravenclaw table felt a welcome breeze.

It was all over before Valeri Aplom had reached the hat. MacGonagall picked up the hat and laid it on the young boys head as he sat down on the stool. The boy's eyes went wide and after a few seconds the hat screamed out: "Slytherin!"

The Slytherin table started applauding with most other students joining in as well as the embarrassed little boy staggered to his new house, eyes fuming a little.

Dazed and a little overwhelmed first year student after the other got sorted without a hitch and the three people scanning the Hall started to relax a little. This year there would be no prank like last year.

"MacNair, Edward!" MacGonagall called out and a starkly black haired boy walked forwards with a strong step, no hesitation in his eyes. As the hat was laid on his head it called out instantly: "Gryffindor!"

Some of the Slytherin and Gryffindor table audibly gasped. Sure, after Harry Black had become Lord Slytherin the house had lost some of the hard-liners to Ravenclaw and occasionally even to Hufflepuff but never Gryffindor and MacNair was a sure bet for Slytherin. The hesitation that had been absent a moment before was overwhelming as the boy walked with a broken step, eyes downcast and streaming with tears towards the Gryffindor table. Few people were clapping.

Even MacGonagall was hesitating to call the next name but after a short silence went ahead: "Mayfly, Julia!" The whole room gasped. Everyone knew the name as the first ever illegitimate son that Lord Slytherin had acknowledged only a few years prior. The timid girl with unruly black hair walked up, sat and had the hat placed on her head.

A moment passed and turned to two, soon to be a minute. Finally the hat moved, opened it's leathery mouth and called out: "Headmaster!"

"What is it?" Albus responded, wide-eyed at being called upon. "No, no, I've sorted her. She's sorted to be Headmaster!" the hat retorted, clearly annoyed at having it's authority undermined.

A silence enveloped the Hall as a thousand minds tried to process the words, the meaning and the previous half an hour of sorting with the downcast looks, dazed first years and some surprising house choices.

The silence was finally broken by Dumbledore jumping up from his seat, yelling: "It happened again!"

* * *

"Okay, okay, we get it, you're talented blah blah blah. Now tell us the juicy details! How did you fool Dumbledore and Solart? And how did you get the Hat go crazy?!"

The four of them were sitting in the Head Girl's private room. The evening had stretched long into the night as the first half of the sorting had to be redone from scratch after the spell on the hat had been undone. Most everyone had found it baffling that the hat had still sung the same, nonsensical song even without being charmed. Afterwards the Feast had stretched beyond breaking point as everyone was too busy trying to figure out the prank and finally a Prefect's meeting with the staff had pushed the day well into the next.

"Well, it was relatively simple. I just had to figure out how to Confund the Hat without casting a single spell, then how to throw off Dumbledore and the Head Boy."

"So you just redid your prank from last year, only this time you Confunded the actual Hat? Nice one, Grace. But you're not getting off that easy, how did you actually do it?" Chizuru tore into her.

"Okay, okay. So this summer I worked quite a bit with my dad for the WWW and I found this really snappy way of making the Confunding charm into a potion." She gave a small stop to let the information sink in.

"Merlin's tits! That's sweet!"

"Now the question was how to get the Confundus Potion on the Hat, 'cause Dumbledore would be watching it like a hawk the whole time." Nods all around, pranking had become more and more common especially with the change Lord Slytherin had wrought in his house over the years.

"So I transfigured a thin film of the potion and laid it on the stool, set to expire about as the sorting started. That way Dumbledore wouldn't even be there to see that something was about. Rest was elementary, just have a small distraction but make it seem like the candle was the instigator."

"Don't call it elementary, both the film and the candle were my ideas." Emma voiced as both Helen and Chizuru were left wide-eyed at the trick.

"You realise your Confundus Potion is worth quite a bit of money to the Weasleys?" Helen said after finally coming back to her senses.

"Yeah, but I don't think dad realised I had created the potion so I thought I'd keep it a secret for now. You know, the pranking potential is just too great, don't you think, Chii?"

"Oh definitely. Can you control the confunding like with the charm? What about making other charm-based potions?" the foreign girl's deep dark eyes were gleaming with obviously unhealthy thoughts.

"To a certain degree, yes. Why, do you have some ideas? Actually it doesn't matter, I already have an idea." Grace smiled at Chizuru, obviously evading the latter question.

"What's the false lead then?" Helen asked, her face blanching at Grace's terrible smile, reminiscent of her mother.

"I'm not the false lead. Am I, Grace?" Emma asked, confused.

"Oh no, but I figured Uncle Harry wouldn't mind getting some respite from his duties as Chief Warlock."

Emma jumped up: "What?! Why must you drag the House of Black into your game!"

"Relax What. I had a copy of a note that Harry has used previously when pranking the Headmaster, so I attached that to the candle. I expect Uncle to be up in the office right now, both of them fuming at each other for wasting their time."

As if called upon the dim sound of a faraway explosion reached the room, followed by some choice curses yelled at the top of Harry's lungs.

"Sounds like they're having a blast." Grace meekly added while Emma stared at him, absolutely livid.

"Should we go see him, since he's here?" Helen asked quickly, cheeks a little red.

"Oh come on Gaybaby, stop being such a suck-up to Harry! He's not going to become your daddy." Grace spat, prompting Helen to respond: "Oh look at you Rapebaby! Who's the suck-up here, pranking as if it's your family tradition. Well it isn't, your tradition is being a rabid Death Eater bitch!"

"You dare!" Grace yelled, whipping out her wand. In a second Helen's wand was out as well and the two proceeded to a duel of slapping each other.

"I don't know about you three but I'm tired." Emma said over the din of Grace and Helen rolling around on the floor, slapping each other.

"I think I'll go with you, not much to see here." Chizuru agreed and the two left, leaving Grace and Helen in a vicious wrestling and hair-pulling match. "I suppose those two will take their time."

* * *

And so ended the first day of Grace's last year in Hogwarts. Outside the castle the sun was already rising above the treetops. Laying down on her bed in the Slytherin dorms, her cheeks, butt, sides and scalp aching she smiled to herself and thought: "Worth it."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** In the forest no one can hear your scream, unless you scream "Harry Potter", because that all belongs to J. K. Rowling and her agents will definitely hear you. Kudos to nonjon for writing A Black Comedy, giving me fuel for my creative fire. Hopefully I won't disappoint.

* * *

 **CHAPTER 2**

The first few weeks of Hogwarts school year 2025 had been rowdy to say the least. Pranks left and right, mostly juvenile stuff like dung bombs or Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes but some elegant ones had also been observed. The second Friday evening had brought a well-earned rest to the prefects, and Grace, Emma, Helen and Chizuru were lounging in the Head Girl's office, eating chocolate and lazily going through the pranks they were supposed to find the perpetrators of.

"Turning MacGonagall's robes pink mid-lecture was a really nice touch. Poor Collins though, he should've been prepared to a misdirection being aimed at him after he made that 3rd year Slytherin take the fall for his prank on the girl's bathroom door." Grace was in high spirits. The pranking efforts were over the top, everyone trying to outdo her Sorting Prank. Harry had officially taken the fall for that but being Dumbledore's strongest supporter there was no way it would ever hurt him.

"I agree that was quite nice but I still think my prank on the Fat Lady was much better." Helen argued. Admittedly she had managed to make the Fat Lady disappear for a week. Commuting in and out of Gryffindor tower had to be managed by brooms for that time.

"Hah, the Fat Lady cries and runs away twice a year nowadays. She's getting a little too emotional. You only win the contest in hours missing, not in originality, Gaybaby." Grace responded. "But I admit you wrecked much more havoc than the Slytherins did with MacGonagall's robes."

"So what are you going to do to the Fat Lady's Fat Ass prank? Gaybaby didn't really manage to cover her tracks that well, somebody needs to take a fall." Emma pointed out, much to the annoyance of Helen. "Shut up What, I did my best! Not my fault someone had spelled her canvas against illusions. She only saw my mask, though."

"Yeah, I think I heard they spelled that on when Harry Black had the fling with the 7th year Gryffindor some 10 years ago. Surprised you didn't know about that." Chizuru offered, obviously egging Helen on. "That's provably false and you know it!" she snapped back.

"I don't think having someone take the fall for my cousin's incompetence would be appropriate. I'd rather just drop the investigation in favour of something bigger. Or maybe just turn Gaybaby in." Grace pondered, enjoying the power to make Helen sweat a little.

"Guess you'll just have to drag your feet while waiting for a bigger prank." Emma said. Grace frowned at the thought. "You're probably right. Besides next week we'll have our hands full with the first year international students getting integrated into classes, right Chii?"

The Japanese girl nodded: "Yeah, after this weekend translation charms are forbidden, only accelerated language learning potions and dictionaries are allowed." From the first international students onwards Hogwarts had employed a system where the first two weeks the international students took English lessons with accelerated language learning potions to bring them up to acceptable level while at the same time all of their normal classes were attended with Professor-cast translation charms. After two weeks the translation charms were no longer cast for classes and normal social contacts and lecture learning accelerated with the potions were allowed to take care of the remaining language learning needed.

"How's this year's Official Hogwarts Dictionary? Have they improved it?" Emma asked. "Yeah, based on last year's testing on half the international students we decided to this year go with a limited intelligence dictionary instead of the old, traditional version. Now the dictionary will actively search for you and even translate whole sentences."

"When will you be handing them out?" Grace asked. "Sunday, after lunch."

"Isn't Monday's first lecture for first years History of Magic?" she continued, making a face at the thought of Professor Binns. "Yeah... I tried to get the schedule changed so the first lecture they have without translation charms wouldn't be such a test of character but it seems no one else wants to teach first years first thing on a Monday morning."

"No wonder, you should see the Professors' bridge night binge on Sundays. I'm surprised there are any lessons on Monday." Emma casually remarked, prompting a curious glance from Helen and Chizuru. "It's a long story." Grace explained hastily. "With lots of Firewhisky." she finished as if clearing up a misunderstanding.

"Professor Binns is really the worst." Emma quickly segued to a safer topic, not wanting to dredge up memories of the morning after. "Agreed. Not to make slight of Hogwarts but having Binns teach is just an insult to the whole school." Chizuru nodded.

"I wish they'd just fire him but he'd probably still come to teach class." Grace sighed. "You can't even prank him, him being a ghost and all."

"Binns is essentially even worse than the idiots we had for Defense Professors before Professor Monroe. I can't believe that it took nearly 15 years and the Minister of Magic's example to prove to people that Voldemort's curse on the position was all in their heads." Helen said. The two years of studying Defense Against the Dark Arts under Professor Monroe had been exhilarating and all kinds of interesting. "I really liked the man, he had some pretty good ideas on combat, tactics and interrogation. As expected from the man who brought down Voldemort single handed." Chizuru said, putting a slightly scary amount of emphasis on the ideas on interrogation.

"Why did Minister Monroe step down from his position for two years to teach at Hogwarts though?" Helen pondered. "Just seems like such a waste, he had everything organised so well and then left it all to Finnegan who brought down half of what he'd managed to build in 13 years in the span of just two years." Nods all around, except Grace who explained: "Dumbedore told me he had specifically requested Monroe to take the position as if to vanquish the last memory of Voldemort. Said that only Monroe could do it, him being Vanquisher of Voldemort after all."

"I heard my father mention that David had always wanted to teach Defense at Hogwarts." Emma added. "Well, he definitely would know, having spied for Monroe so many years." Chizuru agreed.

"I wonder why Lord Slytherin never took up the position though. He'd be a natural." Chizuru continued, poking an eye towards Helen. As expected the girl immediately jumped to Harry's defense: "My godfather told me it was because of some promise made to Dumbledore by T'me. I didn't pry any further but I'm sure he had a good reason." Grace started laughing in a crazed giggle. Even Emma smiled a little. "Oh shit, he's been having me on, hasn't he?" the girl asked, looking down to her lap. "Yup."

After composing herself, still wiping away at some tears Grace spoke up "Anyway, I have some paperwork to do for Dumbledore so you three should run along before I have to forcefully banish you through the wall." She pointed to a stack of papers on her desk.

"Yeah, I have to go do rounds with MacAskill. I just hope he'll stay silent at least for a minute during." Emma grumbled, getting up from the wonderfully comfy sofa. "Oh he's not so bad, you just don't have any humour in you, What." Grace pointed out. She had two years worth of experience doing the rounds with MacAskill. Only a few times had she wanted to seriously hex him. "Just don't let him talk about frogs."

"Oh Slytherin's eyebrows, the frogs." Helen and Chizuru were baffled and going to ask for an explanation when Grace sat down at her desk, very obviously telling them to run along. The three girls left without a sound, the door closing behind them as Grace's quill started scribbling on the first parchment in line. Somewhere close to the edge of her mouth a smile hovered. The plan was now complete.

* * *

It was amazing how quickly the situation had become dire. Sunday after lunch the first year international students had had their last translation charm lifted and were thus left to the tender mercies of their learned language skills and the Official Hogwarts Dictionary, now with added intelligence. Not long after one of the Polish first years had reported that he had seen a group of German students wearing Grindelwald's insignia. The report had been given to the international prefect of Hufflepuff house but was quickly transmitted to Grace and John Solart the 11th and finally to Dumbledore.

At dinner time this prompted Dumbledore to give a very empathetical speech about letting the past go while at the same time making it very clear that he disliked having his ex-boyfriend's memory made mockery of, giving somewhat mixed signals. This was universally taken as a sign of the times and the Headmaster's state of mind. The German students were given a strict talking to but no perpetrator was found and the issue was closed, hoping that it was simply a misunderstanding.

However, after dinner the situation deteriorated further as the Germans and Polish students kept getting into verbal arguments and finally ending in outright dueling where the Polish were outmatched by a more numerous opponent. At the same time the Japanese and Chinese students ended up trading spells on more than one occasion, making the first year dorms little more than war zones. The prefects tried to bring the situation into reign but by nightfall it was already too late to get any sort of sense into the situation as the native first years had likewise joined in, hexing the Germans while the few Russian first years had begun hexing nearly everyone.

At midnight, as the situation was too volatile to leave the warring factions into the same dorms, the Polish students were marched into the Prefect's Lounge to stay overnight while the Germans were simply separated into their respective dorms with some Japanese, Hungarian and Finnish students that they had yet to make enemies with.

It was already getting close to 2 o'clock and Grace was still up in her office when she heard a faint knock on the door. Swinging her wand the door opened, revealing John Solart the 11th. "Evening, Head Boy. Has the fighting stopped for now?"

"Yes, I believe it has. But I don't believe this is just because of inter-cultural differences, Grindelwald's war ended 80 years ago, these children have no clue of it! Someone must be pulling the strings here." the boy looked dead straight at Grace. "I agree but I don't have the foggiest on how this could be done. We already checked some of the Polish and German students for compulsion charms and the likes, they're totally clean. I'm not even sure this is a prank. It seems more like a plot to bring negative publicity on the international degree programs."

"You are correct. Though why wait 6 years to retaliate against the programs? Anyway, we need to figure out something. Tomorrow's first lesson for the first years is," he didn't get to finish the sentence when Grace quipped in joy: "History of Magic! Binns has never cared about interruptions, we can take over his class and give them a talking to."

John Solart frowned. "We shouldn't be taking over a class just because the Professor doesn't mind. Rather we should have the Professor talk to them. He holds more responsibility and commands more authority than we do." Grace shrugged: "If you think that's for the best. I doubt Binns' capability to bring order into this chaos but so be it. I think it's best if we draft out his speech, though."

"Agreed," the boy nodded and sat down on the other side of Grace's desk and together they went to work.

* * *

"You think this'll work?" Grace asked as the Head Boy marched into the classroom behind the last group of first years. Quite a lot of young faces were seen growling across the room. The Germans were grouped on one side with two Finnish boys, a few Hungarians and a gaggle of Italians talking loudly about something or other in rather agitated Italian.

"I'm sure it will. It must, otherwise we'll have to make some rather drastic changes to the international student sorting and living arrangements." John sighed, dreading the idea.

"I've been trying to talk with the Japanese students to figure out what prompted them to hex the Chinese students but they're just saying that the Chinese hexed or picked a fight with them first." Chizuru commented from the sideline. Having been part of the first crop of international students she had taken the fighting rather hard and kept trying to figure out what was the cause of it. Still no one was forthcoming with answers or confessions of picking a fight or mocking other students.

The first years having seated Professor Binns floated through the blackboard and immediately launched into the speech Grace and John had crafted for him.

"During the last 24 hours something unspeakable has happened. The first years have been divided amongst lines of old, lines that historians such as I find interesting. Yet these lines are not for the modern time or age." he paused for a while, obviously wondering why the interesting lines couldn't stay into the modern day.

"Harsh words have been uttered and hexes have been thrown. I care not for who threw the first punch nor why it was thrown. I care only for the continued safety of my students and as part of the teachers at Hogwarts I will not stand for continued strife and fighting, not in the halls, not in the dorms nor in the classrooms."

"I hope you have had time to reflect on your actions during the night and have realised your folly. Now I tell you that it is time to forgive and forget those who wronged you and likewise forgive yourself for your actions. You need to forgive this previous day's events and go forth without holding a grudge."

"Hogwarts is a place of learning and merry and that cannot be if you do not forgive. This madness must be cleansed. So take one another's hand and repeat after me."

The students, most of the international students straining to understand the lecture and referring to their phrasebooks, reluctantly stretched and locked hands with their neighbours.

"I will forgive my neighbour for having wronged me." Binns started. The echo sounded a little mumbled but at least the British students got it right.

"I will forgive myself for the wrongs I have inflicted on others." The response was less scattered but somehow wrong.

"I will forget yesterday's events and focus on happy days in the future."

Instead of repeating the 200 or so first years chanted something completely different in response.

 _Ad spiritum spiritus transitu  
Relinquo naturam relinquunt aqua  
Exitum spiritu, spiritus moventur  
Relinquere ventus, relinquite ignis_

"What the heck are they doing?" John Solart asked as the chant began to grow louder. Binns had stopped talking and was staring dead ahead. "I don't know!"

 _Ipse praecedes ne educas inviderit  
Faciendam vindictam in live  
Errant collis mortis  
Principium terris ad praeteritum_

"What are they even saying?" he asked, trying to shake one of the first years awake from the trance but found himself unable to even approach the chanting lines as a magic bubble had enveloped them. "I think they're telling the spirit to go forth into the afterlife." Emma helpfully supplied, having moved from her own position to the Head Girl and Head Boy in search of orders.

"What! They're exorcising him!" the Head Boy replied in horror. "Yes, I know, that's what I just said!" Emma replied, annoyed.

 _Export fuit tandem memories  
requiem aeternam_

"Can't we stop them somehow?" John asked just as the chant subsided. "Too late I think."

The first years started releasing each other's hands, looking baffled at what had just happened. At the Professor's dais there was no one to be seen, merely some dust glittering in the air. On the floor above where Binns had been floating a minute before laid a long-faded note.

* * *

Monday's lunch had been rife with rumours but no official validation was given before dinner. After the food had vanished Dumbledore stood up.

"My students, I have grave news to you all. On this day we have lost one of our own. Our beloved and much respected professor of History of Magic, Professor Binns, was exorcised earlier today by the new first year students. It is my belief that the first years were compelled to do so by an unknown party, likely responsible for yesterday's re-enactment of Grindelwald's war in Europe as well. Unfortunately the exorcism ritual exorcised not only our professor but also any and all compulsion charms on the students and thus nothing can be proven. Let it be known that I, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, will not let those responsible walk free. I swear it on my pink beard!" Indeed as Dumbledore finished his speech, his beard changed colour to pink, prompting a few odd looks from especially MacGonagall. The students generally chuckled at the antic.

"Now I believe we should honour our ex-professor and his departure from the mortal coil nearly 200 years after his death in the way that he would've wanted us to. Unfortunately not many of us know what Cuthbert Binns wanted. Luckily we found a library note from where he was exorcised. Late Professor Binns had been waiting for a book on the origins of Goblin states to be returned to the Hogwarts library."

A small verbal shrug went through the hall. Who would want to read about that?

"I investigated and found that the book had been loaned as early as 1538 by Headmaster Fairchild. I found the book in my office and have finally returned it. Hopefully this will allow for Professor Binns to rest easy, knowing that the book is finally his to borrow." Dumbledore smiled a little wistfully, the pink colour already draining from his beard.

"As of tomorrow we will have a new professor of History of Magic but for today we will remember Cuthbert Binns by having an extra helping of dessert!" he finally called as a throng of the most wonderful desserts appeared, his final words drowned out by cheers of joy.

"Finally we're rid of Binns. Great way to go as well, I'd say. What do you think, Rapebaby?" Emma asked in a casual voice, the sounds around them already blurring into a soothing mess. "Oh, definitely a good way to go. I had to dig pretty deep to find the appropriate exorcising ritual for 200 first years to do but it really paid off." The joy of pulling off an even greater prank than the Second Sorting Prank was palpable in her voice.

"How did you get the ritual words to them, though?"

"I still had a bit of the potion so I confunded the books to re-enact Grindelwald's war and react to the phrase 'This madness must be cleansed' to translate whatever the students wanted to say to the ritual words. The rest was just good planning and a few carefully set compulsion charms that I knew would be cleansed by the ritual." Grace smiled, taking a bite from a raspberry tart.

"I think Uncle Sirius will be proud, Rapebaby, he hates Binns with vigour. Especially given that you managed all that without me." Emma replied, likewise stuffing her face with the well-earned profits of a good prank. "You're not the only one with an eye for opportunities."

"You know that Chii's pretty angry at whoever used her precious students for a war re-enactment. She's going to figure out the truth pretty soon." Emma warned. "I'll tell her later, then we can have a good laugh about it all. She can take a joke" Grace replied, unconcerned. "Besides she hated Binns as well."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** This chapter was written surprisingly fast. Next will likely take much longer. Hope you enjoyed it, leave a review if you will.


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